Daughter of a Malfoy Chapter 6.CINDY.2

I was visited by sand-Onyx and sand-Finnian several times at seemingly irregular intervals, but I had no sense of time in my room so I could not be sure. After watching all of them turn to sand at my touch so many times, I started to wonder what would happen if I ever met the real ones. Would they disintegrate too? Would I become a pile of sand? Was I even real?

I started talking to myself and singing to keep myself from having these thoughts. I did not want to give in to the insanity of loneliness. The guards did not ask me to shut up— they did not really speak to me at all— so I just kept at it. Having music in my head made my meals taste better too, even though I was always given water and bread. My stomach also stopped hurting.

But I could do nothing about the growing weakness in my limbs. My room was large enough to walk around in, but I had no energy to pick myself up and do it. I became increasingly attached to my chair, only leaving it to take my meals on the floor.

Sometimes I wondered how long I had been held captive. Judging by my leg hair, it had probably been a week or so. But it felt so much longer to me. I would not have been surprised to learn that I had been here for three weeks.

One time, I heard a commotion coming from outside my room. My guards were shouting and I could see the flash of spells through the tiny window. Wow, they’re putting on a good show of it this time, trying to make me think they’re fighting someone out there. I ignored them and fiddled with my handkerchief, humming that one piece I had played on my violin to audition for the MusiComp Orchestra.

I was halfway through negotiating my handkerchief into a crane when Onyx came bursting through the door. That’s new, I thought, looking up at him. The door never opens for anything. Wait… I stared blankly at him. His arms were covered in tiny bleeding cuts and his jaw was bruised on one side. This one has injuries! Does that mean this time they’ve decided to kill me? I… I don’t want to die! I lifted my feet onto my chair and hugged my knees in an attempt to protect myself.

Onyx approached me.

“N-no… stay away.” Don’t hurt me! I know that… “Y-you’re not…” I sobbed as lonely tears gushed from my eyes, “real…!” I hid my face, unable to bear it. This is it. I’ll never see any of them again. I’ll just slowly go insane and die here because, “It’s never him! It’s always an imitation to get my hopes up…” If he did try to come for me, they would have just killed him. Maybe they did, and now they have no use for me…

Onyx knelt in front of me. “Malfoy,” he said so gently that, if I had not known that he was made of sand, I would have tackled him with the biggest hug I could give. “It’s me. This time it’s me.”

No you’re not. You say that every time.

He held out his hand. “Just touch me; I won’t go away.”

I lifted my head. Well… it’s going to have to happen sooner or later… I haltingly extended my hand and touched a finger to the palm of his hand.

Nothing happened.

Oh my God.

Onyx— the real Onyx— took hold of my hand and pulled me into his arms. I was still so shocked that it was really him and that he had come to find me that I did not think to return his hug. I was still half-expecting him to disappear at any second. He caressed my head, running his fingers through my matted hair. He was shaking.

“Cindy!” I saw Dad bolt into my room. “Cindy, what did they do to you?”

Onyx let go of me and Dad immediately lifted me into his arms like I was a baby. I buried my face in his shoulder. It smells like home… I want to go home… “Daddy…” They did such terrible things to me! I had finally given up on ever seeing you again. I wanted to say so many things, but I suddenly felt so weak…

When I regained consciousness, I was laying across someone’s arms while dozens of spells flashed above us. It took me a few seconds to recognize who was holding me: “Wi— ah…” Right… he hates it when I’m informal. “D-Delacr…? His name was still too much effort to speak in my condition.

He looked down at me with surprise. “Malfoy!”

I rubbed my eyes to get rid of the residual blurry stuff and tried to say his name again. “De… Del—”

“You can call me by my first name,” he interrupted, “it it’s easier.”

Is… that really okay? “…Will…” Please don’t snap at me… “What’s going on?”

He looked as if he wanted to roll his eyes. “Your father and your boyfriend and his brother are all fighting about a hundred extremists for you.”

“They are?!” I tried to sit up, but he gently restrained me.

“Yes. And I’ve got a Shield Charm around us so you don’t get hit in the crossfire. We need to stay as close to the ground as possible.”

Feeling some of my strength returning as I formed a plan, I used Will to pull myself up. “But they need help!”

“What can you do,” he asked almost condescendingly, “you don’t have a wand!”

“No,” I confirmed, “but I’ve got this.” I tugged at a lock of my hair.

“You mean shape-shifting?!” He looked at me like I was crazy.

Granted, he did not know what I was capable of. As I struggled to my feet, I explained, “I’ve been practicing. I’ve had a lot of free time.” Understatement of the decade.

Will tugged at my arm, looking a bit panicked. “Malfoy! Get down!”

You’ll see. I closed my eyes. I hope I remember how to do it… and I hope I have enough strength to do it. I imagined very clearly exactly what I had done during my first escape attempt: scales tougher than diamonds, spark-making stones and lighter fluid in my throat, and an elongated snout to focus the flame. To my relief, when I opened my eyes I had successfully become the dragon I had been before, but I already felt my strength fading. I have to do this quickly. I slid my arm out of Will’s hand and walked out, past Onyx and a second beaten-up person whom I recognized as Finnian, and stood facing dozens of the people who had kept me locked in that lonely padded room for days. You all deserve what is coming to you. I opened my mouth and let loose a jet of fire.

The bad guys instantly turned and fled, and several were frantically trying to put out their burning clothing. Once I was sure that they were far enough away, I pointed my fire at the sand on the floor. It easily became molten, just like before, and blocked them from trying to come back. Some of them shouted at me, but I could not understand what they were saying. Onyx said something too, and he sounded worried, but all sounds seemed slurred and muffled. My vision had that familiar blackness around the edges. I felt myself fall backward.

I was out before I landed.


***


The next time I woke up, I was in a hospital bed at St. Mungo’s Hospital and Dad was standing nearby while Healers examined me. I did not pay much attention to what they were doing, though; I was focused on the sunlight coming in through the windows. I had forgotten how great it felt to be touched by the sun’s warmth. I felt a pleasant tingle that gave me goosebumps.

Too soon, the Healers were done with me and one gave me a small sweet to chew on. “This will help get some nutrients back in you,” she explained. “I’ve got a couple more for you to take home with you. Eat only one per day, okay? But don’t think that this can stand in for a meal! Do you understand?”

I nodded. “Thank you.”

“Good,” she said, smiling at me. “Now you’re free to go!”

I was led away from the sunlit room and out into the direct sunlight outside the Hospital. I felt sleepy, so Dad took me into a Ministry car that was separate from Will and Onyx so that I could take a nap. I woke up just in time to see Hogwarts castle as we approached. It felt so wonderful to finally be going back. I wept quietly as we landed and I was greeted with a crowd of my classmates and teachers, all sobbing hysterically. Mum was the first one to greet me, with a hug so tight that I thought I would be crushed.

Jase eventually pushed his way through to the front of the crowd. His eyes were joyfully purple at the sight of me, but with a few angry flecks of red. I did not question his emotions, since mine were also very confused at the moment, and smiled at him. “Jase!”

His eyes instantly turned deep blue and suddenly his face was a waterfall of tears. He threw his arms around me and held me like he would never let me go. “What did they do?” He demanded.

Seeing how much my brother cared about me, after years of consistently brushing me off and calling me an annoying big sister, affected me deeply. I let out an involuntary sob and hugged him back as the memories of the past week-and-a-half— that was how long Dad had said I was held captive— came flooding to my eyes. The terror, the loneliness, the sand-Onyx and -Finnian. They’ve tried to kill me, they’ve starved me, they’ve cut me off from all real human contact… I clutched at the back of his shirt to tether myself to this reality. If this is a dream, I hope I never wake up. He gently ran his fingers through my hair. I could feel the simple sincerity of his love for me. It felt like home.

I'm home.


***


The day after my return to Hogwarts, I took advantage of Headmaster Longbottom’s generous offer to give me a day off, and stayed in Ravenclaw Tower to catch up on homework. I was using Daniel’s notes to work on some Arithmancy problems in the Common Room when Onyx approached me.

“Hey,” he said casually. “Look at you, getting right back into your schoolwork after all you’ve been through.”

I suddenly felt ill at the sight of him. Even though I knew he was real, my brain was still on edge, prepared for him to crumble into sand like he had done so many times before. What’s wrong with me? I can’t  concentrate! I did not know how to politely tell him to go away, so I said nothing.

“Malfoy.” He sat down next to me. “Malfoy, what’s wrong?”

I did not want to tell him that I had yet one more mental problem. I need to get him to leave… Go away.”

“What?”

“Go away,” I repeated more audibly, “please.”

He gave a wary chuckle. “What do you mean?” He reached for my hand.

I flinched away and closed my book. “I… don’t think… we should see each other.” I quickly started to put my homework away.

Onyx caught my wrist. “What are you talking about, Malfoy?”

“Don’t touch me!” I yanked my arm away and stood up. Oh God, I think I’m going to throw up… I need to get out of here! Say something!  “Why didn’t you tell me anything?” I blurted without thinking. No, not that! But I want to know… “Was it so hard to just let me know even a little bit of what was going on? I learned more about you from my captors in an hour than I ever did in all of the years that I’ve known you. Why didn’t you at least give me the chance to protect myself instead of keeping me in the dark?” I’m going too far. “What about mutual respect?” Stop talking! “Why do you demand so much of me and withhold your trust?” Shut up, Cindy!

He stared at me in shock. “…Malfoy?”

Now I’ve done it… I repeated slowly, “I don’t think we should… see each other.”

“You mean,” he asked cautiously, “you want to break up?”

I wanted to say ‘no’ but the sight of him was literally sickening me right now. Maybe it will go away… But I really don’t think I could keep dating him. I had a point just now: he didn’t believe in me enough. But what do I do? I… I… “I have to go.” I bolted out of the Common Room and away from Ravenclaw Tower. I kept running. I need some fresh air. Before I knew it, I was at the top of the Astronomy Tower.

The sky was still mostly lit, but twilight was slowly creeping in. The peacefulness of the grounds clashed with my racing mind. I had thought I had no more tears left in me, but somehow I still cried. I stared out into the Dark Forest and watched the sun slowly set. Two dark winged horses broke through the canopy, perfectly silhouetted against the red sky. I remembered one time when Terry had once told me about them. So those are thestrals… I had hoped that I would never see one. I silently wondered how many deaths I had witnessed. Even one would be enough to see the thestrals. Who is responsible for that death? Did my dragon fire do it? Was it a spell cast by Dad or Finnian or On— It hurt to think about him.

A light gust of wind blew my hair into my face. Ugh. I pulled my hair back into a high ponytail. I had come to somewhat resent my hair; it was only a reminder of how I was treated while I was imprisoned. My scalp prickled where my captors had ripped some of my hair out. For a brief moment I contemplated getting it cut, but I decided that it would be a stupid decision to make. That would be like rejecting my metamorphism. I’ve been doing that for most of my life: hiding it, suppressing it every time my emotions showed in my hair, even putting up with people telling me that my ability is wasted on me.

The door creaked loudly behind me. I tried to wipe my eyes and turned around to see who had interrupted my lonely thoughts. “… Will?”

He stared intently at me, as if he were seeing me for the first time.

It made me a bit uncomfortable. Why is he looking at me like that? “What are you doing here?”

He instantly fell to his knees and covered his face. I could hear him crying.

“Wh—” What did I do? I’ve never seen him like this before! “Will, what’s going—”

“Can you ever forgive me?” He looked me right in the eyes, his face scrunched up from crying. “I’m sorry I took so long to apologize for how badly I’ve been treating you. I know I can never redeem myself!”

“Will, where is this coming from?” I slowly knelt in front of him. “When was the last time you said something harmful to me? Last year? Fourth year? This year, all you’ve been going is help me: with the quartet, with classwork… You even helped me out of danger, only two days ago! I think you’ve more than redeemed yourself.” It felt embarrassing to be saying this. I giggled awkwardly and wiped my eyes to give myself something to do. “If anything, I should be thanking you for everything you’ve done for me.”

He stared at me again. “Malfoy…”

“Oh,” I interrupted, “you can call me Cindy… if you want.” Since I’m allowed to call you by your first name.

“C-Cin…dy.” He grinned. “Cindy.”

I smiled too. “It feels right… doesn’t it? Like a fresh start for both of us, calling each other by our first names.” Merlin knows we both need it.

“Can I just… say something, since we’re starting over?”

“Sure, what?”

He took a deep breath, seeming to be mentally preparing himself. “I just want you to know… that I’ve always thought that your ability to change your appearance is… amazing. It is truly an awesome gift. Don’t let anyone try to tell you otherwise.”

Without warning, a new set of tears escaped past my eyelids. That is exactly what I needed to hear right now. I felt so happy that I let out an awkward giggle. I dried my eyes and whispered, “Thank you.”